A quick update on the ‘I Am Your Father‘ blog – the story of how I became a father in lockdown – and some of my future plans…

Reminder: This blog is the work of a sleep-deprived, first-time parent, trying to talk frankly and honestly about his experience. I make no apologies for the language used.

So, it’s December 2024. We’re rapidly approaching m’boy’s fifth Christmas, and a lot has happened. Firstly, my son is still alive, and he’s at school now! It doesn’t seem like that long ago we were bringing him home from the hospital on deserted roads and holding him up like fucking Simba so that his grandparents could see him through the window.

So, why am I writing this? That is a good question. One thing that has happened over the last few years is that I’ve had some more struggles with my mental health. I’m currently still in therapy and, to be honest, I think I still have some unresolved issues (or trauma, if that’s not too melodramatic a word) from everything that happened four years ago. Learning to be a new father is hard. Learning to do so in lockdown, while dealing with questionable management decisions that put extra pressure on me at work… It led to burnout and an anxiety attack, which I didn’t really discuss with anyone.

As part of trying to process all that, I found myself revisiting the blog and the notes that I made at the time. And while yes, I struggled, and yes, I burned out, and yes, I had an anxiety attack, I think I can safely say that I handled everything remarkably well in the circumstances. Revisiting the blog has been an interesting experience that has helped me gain a new perspective.

Incidentally, if you’re interested, I’ve done some spellchecking and tidying up of the posts, but they remain almost entirely unchanged. The blog began when we broke the news to our family with Part One – The Secret and goes all the way through to Part 21 – Baby’s First (Proper) Halloween, by which point we had kept him alive for 18 months! You can read the whole series by checking out the ‘I Am Your Father’ category.

While I was doing this, I was inspired to continue with another project, which has just taken another step closer to completion…

Baby Blog – The Novel

I’ve decided that I’m going to turn the blog into a book. It’s actually an idea I’ve been working on for a while, but I only recently completed my first full draft. (Yes, I know it’s basically four years late, but I’ve had a bit on!)

The plan is to tell the story of how I became a father, starting from the night we found out that we were pregnant and going through to m’boy’s first birthday. I’ll talk about what it was like to look after a pregnant woman (in mostly normal circumstances), the buildup to – and aftermath of – the birth (and how the start of the pandemic affected it) and how we survived the first few months of learning to be new parents in lockdown.

As with the blog, I intend the book to be a frank, honest and light-hearted retelling of the story of how I became a dad, sprinkled with dark humour, the occasional word of wisdom and a whole lot of swearing. I will be including quotes from the blog, but it will mostly include new material, including untold stories and some hindsight that I’ve gained over the last four years. It will also include discussions of various mental health issues that many of us encounter in our everyday lives and that most of us encountered in one way or another during the pandemic. The tips and advice I share may not work for everyone, but if any of them can help even a single person not to have to go through what I went through, then it will be worth it.

Even if none of that applies to you, I hope that this will be an entertaining read that will give you an idea of what it is like to become a father. It is intended to be the kind of book that I wish I’d read before this all happened.

SSI Fellowship

Incidentally, this ties in neatly with some other news, which is that I have been awarded a Fellowship by the Software Sustainability Institute (SSI). My fellowship will involve me telling my story and creating a hub for resources and information to support mental health in the research software community. You can read more about it on my page on the SSI Website. Again, these resources will be aimed specifically at people working in research software, but I hope that some of them will be useful to anyone who finds them.

I’ll be posting more updates here, on the SSI website and on my various social media feeds, so follow me if your interested in updates about the Fellowship or the Baby Blog Book.

Final Thoughts

Nothing might come of this. Even if I can get the damn thing finished, it may never get published. But I’m hoping that by announcing it, I keep the momentum going.

And even if it never sees the light of day, it has been a good therapeutic exercise for me. Hopefully, I’ll have more updates for you in 2025!