So, it’s been a few months since my last update. I considered stopping at Baby’s First Birthday, as that felt like a natural end to the New Parent story, and we were beginning to feel like we had a handle on things. I mean, I don’t think our lives will ever be totally in our control again, but I thought we might have found some balance now the worst of the pandemic was over.
But I’ve kept my journal going – for the sake of my own mental health, if nothing else – so I thought I’d update you on how months 12-15 have been.
Reminder: This blog is the work of a sleep-deprived, first-time parent, trying to talk frankly and honestly about his experience. I make no apologies for the language used.
General Update
We are feeling a lot better now, even though the aftereffects of the pandemic haven’t completely faded. There are photos of us in the last month where we’ve still got our masks on, or sitting in cafes where they have half the usual number of tables, all very spaced out. But at least we are allowed to go out now, with much less fear and anxiety than ever before. And being able to make the most of the nice weather and spend more time out and about definitely makes a huge difference.
It certainly beats being stuck inside, trying to entertain a tiny drunk person. Not only that but a MOBILE tiny drunk person, as he is well and truly walking (and experimenting with running) now, so he’s even more determined to throw himself down the stairs or headbutt the corner of the table or put stuff in his mouth that he previously wasn’t able to reach… So yeah, getting outside is a great improvement!
At least, in general.
Soft Play
The downside is that we are now being exposed to things that, in many ways, we were lucky to be missing out on while we were in lockdown. One such experience being the lowest circle of hell for any parent: the soft play centre.
These places charge the best part of £20 for a child and two adults, and that’s just to get through the door! Inside is full of overpriced “rides” and machines that you have to pay extra for. They then charge £10 for a knock-off Fruit Shoot, a sandwich containing a single slice of ham so thin you can use it as tracing paper and the world’s smallest cup of tea. And then they have the audacity to paste signs saying “Anyone caught eating outside food will be asked to leave without a refund” on every flat surface.
Then, there’s another big problem. They’re full of other people’s children! As my son is an only child and still only 18 months old, I have to crawl around in there with him. And I swear, on half of my visits, I end up with some feral little brat following me around, who seems to have been completely abandoned by his parents. It’s always awkward interacting with other people’s kids. Particularly when their parents are nowhere to be fucking seen! And these vagrants always seem to latch onto me (and m’boy). Maybe it’s just because I’m too nice and actually give them some attention, unlike their own parents who are ignoring them, sitting on TikTok and drinking overpriced coffee while their kid is running around unsupervised and ignoring the rules of stranger danger!
On one occasion, a young girl had got herself trapped in the netting in a dark corner of the soft play. She was screaming for help but, of course, there was no responsible adult to be seen. Then I realised with horror that there was: *I* was the nearest responsible adult! I thought it would be nice to send m’boy in to rescue her. What an adorable little moment that was. Or, at least, it would have been, if she hadn’t screamed at him and tried to hit him! So, I did what anyone would do in this situation and just left her there to die! It’s amazing how visceral the urge to protect this your own little human can be at times!
Not to mention the fact that I’m painfully aware that little people with sticky, snotty fingers are running around smearing stuff on every surface (and then licking it off again). You have to try not to think about these things, but I’m cursed with a brain that just can’t shut down those nagging little voices. Seriously, if there was a soft play in Wuhan, I sincerely hope it was investigated by the World Health Organisation, as I can easily believe that one of these places was where the virus first evolved!
And yet you will keep coming back to these places. To us, they are overpriced, germ-ridden pits of sadness and despair. But to a baby/toddler/small child, these places are padded, primary-coloured, heaven. And it’s a chance to wear the buggers out and slightly increase the chances of them going to bed at a reasonable time. There’s usually a separate play area for younger kids too, and he’s starting to play more independently. I can feel that being able to sit and have a cup of tea while he entertains himself might not be that far away after all. (Though I hope to find some happy middle ground between being a helicopter parent and abandoning him to follow some other poor, tired parent around the place!) And, as much as I lament having to crawl around in there with him, it’s actually quite fun, and gives me new forms of exercise that I wouldn’t get otherwise. So, it can be fun for adults too, if you get into the right frame of mind.
Other Updates
He’s a lot more fun and easier for me to engage with now he’s getting older. He’s a lot more curious about the world, and more able to get up and investigate things. Though I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the days when you could put him down and be sure that he’d still be where you left him when you looked back a few seconds later!
We’re also noticing some side effects of m’boy growing up in a house with @marvthebasset. For example, as you can see in the picture above, they often both run to the window together at shout at passing strangers!
We’ve got a photo of him wearing my sunglasses, which he stole from my head while he was in the shoulder carrier. He just looks so effortlessly cool! He’s also been trying more things, especially in cafes and restaurants. (Side note, it’s great that it’s currently warm enough to sit outside and not feel like we’re putting anyone at risk – the winter months are hard!). On one memorable occasion, we were in a cafe and m’wife’s drink came with a slice of lemon in it. He took it out of the glass and had a taste and… we didn’t try to stop him! We did what any responsible millennial parents would do and had our phone out and ready to take pictures! His little face… at first, so confused and then twisted up in disgust… they may be some of my favourite pictures I’ve taken of him!
Final Thoughts
It feels like things are going well. Having a child is expensive, and exhausting. I don’t know if we’ll ever stop feeling like we’re kicking hard to keep our heads above water. But I love him more than I ever thought possible. Now things are slowly returning to normal, and now he’s developing more of a personality, I feel so much happier and closer to him than ever. Long may this continue (though the cynic in me expects that there’s more rough waters ahead).
I’m not sure how long I’ll continue with this blog. Now things are opening up again, there’s a lot more to do and a lot less time to do this sort of thing. But it’s good for me to reflect on our journey and, who knows, maybe someday someone will find some of this useful… we’ll see!